Then one day that girl received a word and that word became her… “everything”.
John 1:1 In the beginning…. was the word, and the word was with God and the word was God.
In this brand new year, as I sit and sip my morning tea to break fast, I think about what is placed before me on My Whole Plate. I am a bit hesitant, due to the fact that I know (because my mother told me so), that the first things you choose to consume in the morning or at the start of your day, if it’s not morning for you, are important because they will be what your body pulls from to get fueled to get going.
So I ask… what do you choose to start off with?
After taking an overdue break from all the spoils of 2018, I want and need what’s good for me to march forward. What does the one that made my day have to say about facing it?
I’m glad to say….
Joshua: 1. 9. Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.
Let this be a reminder for me and you… God is the Maker of all things new and He is there no matter where you have been or what you’re going through! Those are words you can count on.
What a soaring sight, birds of a feather, once flocked to be caught by the fowler together Wings weighted in squalor in a world full of muck In proclivities of a poverty mindset found stuck Unworthy vessels in light, now seen fit in His sight Sanctified and set free, take toward the sky in flight
Game over for the love of my past days … now I’m ever looking forward to the sun going down, gracefully on a Sunday night!
ONWARD AND UPWARD TO FACE THE NEW WEEK I TAKE FLIGHT
I have a new Sunday night game.
The love I once had cannot compare to the love I have found. There is more than one way to express it. On top of that there is more than one level and way to experience it. In the mental, emotional, physical and spiritual realm…I can feel it, see it, and give it, because I have received it.
I did, once upon a time fall in and out of love but that, incidentally, was not the true love for which I was meant. It was a just a feeling through times endured and well spent.
Now into a new chapter, I experience it through a place that I have arrived each morning. It’s more than a memory I can’t let go of, a treasure I pursue, a pleasure I indulge in… it’s more than a pain and trial, it is a gift from God.
It is my opened relationship to Him and all He has given me to do for YOU every day. Each day is now filled with one single full heart longing to serve at a table for two.
Whether you’ve just joined me or you’re back for seconds or thirds… You’re WELCOME!
A little full of myself… maybe. I suppose it may sound that way, but life is not meant to be spent empty and alone and that’s why I’m all for sharing everything I have on my whole plate!
MARK MY WORDS LORD
Isaiah: 52. 7 “How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of him that bringeth good tidings, that publisheth peace; that bringeth good tidings of good, that publisheth salvation; that saith unto Zion, Thy God reigneth!”
is what I long for…
Are you curious? Here’s a little more of what I no longer want to keep to myself.
Okay, to all my friends, forgotten acquaintances, forgiven foes and hopefully soon to be faithful followers 🙂 I have embarked on a journey that you will be witness to. I’m doing this two fold…to try to be more selfless and also unashamedly selfish.
I’m born the latter but God saved me later in my life to be better than that for me and you! We’ll see…
To be completely honest… this is one of my greatest fears. I started this blog exactly one month ago, in all my novice to bare my innermost thoughts behind the struggles, strengths, secrets and successes of surviving daily life as a single Christian mom and an aspiring difference maker. I hope to shed some light for both of us on more than just my battle within. This is a monumental baby step outside of my comfort zone and a giant leap toward getting comfortable with what has become the skin I choose to live in.
I am glad that you chose to join me today. I hope you enjoy me. But if you don’t, I hope at the minimum, I inspire you to take a step on your own.. toward a life stripped free from the fear of rejection of the things on the earth because there’s one that was rejected for us all. Jesus Christ!
“I looked at my hands to see if I was the same person now I was free. There was such glory over everything. The sun came up like gold through the trees and I felt like I was in heaven.”
― Harriet Tubman
My morning fruit continues….
If you looked at me from a distance, I appeared to have it all together. But looks can be deceiving. The truth lying beneath the skin was that I had been struggling with anxiety and depression. It was what I was used to and I had become a master at masking it while out in public. My marriage, of almost 10 years at that time, was unhealthy at best. My three children (sons) were most important to me but I felt as if I could never be enough for them. In my effort to alleviate the way I felt, I drowned myself in work. I was an optimist and believed I could turn things around but I was in desperate need of a change because my ship was sinking…. sinking fast, and even optimists cannot breathe under water.
Workaholics anonymous couldn’t have helped me if they tried. I was in deep denial because I had convinced myself that I was doing the most good. I worked to make a difference, to improve our quality of life or at least, that’s what I told myself. The truth was I had a serious void I was trying to fill. All of my effort was to avoid being home, alone with my discomfort in my own skin, my unhappy husband…far from looking myself in the mirror and to escape the sense of unworthiness I carried ever since I was a child.
“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are” Anais Nin
That night in February of 2008, I was asked to come see a play being put on in honor of Black History month. It was about Harriet Tubman and the Underground Railroad. It was a free show offered through a local community church. The invite came from my husband and I reluctantly agreed to attend. “He has been acting unusual” I said to myself. He had been less angry lately and offering to do things he hadn’t done in over half a decade, like buying me flowers, which he did early that day. “I think you need to take a break and the kids are here, they want to see you too” he said. He knew he could use the kids for leverage… I would do anything for them. I was convinced there was a hidden motive though. Perhaps he was cheating on me… trying to cover his guilt with being pleasant and acting like he was pursuing me when really he was receiving fulfillment elsewhere. That is what I was used to, so it is what I expected.
I learned about the art of deceit at a pretty young age. Growing up with infidelity strewn throughout both sides of my family, I gained the understanding that people stay until they are no longer happy or they find something better. As time passed, my perception became my reality. Worth and value were heavily dependent on what I had to offer. Hence the need to work and have the ability to get every and anything I thought we needed to stay a happy household. To maintain a lifestyle of constant happiness is exhausting. I didn’t realize the toll it was taking on me until that night at The Underground Railroad.
The woman who played the main character of Harriet Tubman, in her last line, said “I looked at my hands to see if I was the same person now I was free.” and then shared her own take on being a slave that was set free. Free from her self-harm and self-inflicted nonsense. Her anxiety and fear over everything she could not seem to keep from slipping through her hands about her future… her marriage. Every word resonated with me. It was as if she was standing in my shoes and speaking out everything written on my heart in secret. I was exposed but for the first time, in a room full of people, I didn’t care.
A man came up after her, his own mic in hand and although I don’t recall everything he said, I didn’t hesitate to respond to his words with a lifted hand. He said, “If you want to be free, If you don’t want to be bound to your sin anymore, there is one that can set you free. His name is Jesus.” With a lifted hand and a prayer, I asked for and received salvation.
There was something that changed that night, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it. Going home and looking in the mirror again, just like the quoted words I heard of Harriet Tubman, I looked at my face to see if I was the same person, now that I was free. Who did I see staring back at me? It was still me. And tomorrow is another day.
So, at first glance, I hope you see the change. Tomorrow is here and it’s time for tea. There’s a new day on the horizon.
Thank you for joining me to indulge in my morning fruit!
Imagine the last hour of the day… when first light is still so far away
too many hours to fill until light… idle hands itching to end the fight
Wandering alone, in effort to be free but my solitude caught up with me
This was the desert in full bloom… then he found me
Okay, so now that you know I am here… I guess the next thing to talk about is how I got here. I definitely took the long way and I didn’t stumble upon this page in this chapter of my life accidentally. It was all planned out, but not by me. Here’s just a piece of the story.
Once upon at time, this girl knew what she wanted… the house on the hill, career, kids, happy hubby and a car. A life fulfilled with every need met, but even with these simple things achieved something was missing still. It could not be explained, it just needed to be found. This girl was me and what was missing was my soul.
I was soul-searching for what seemed like the longest time and then one night in February of 2008, I was invited to take my first step toward finding it. I accepted and I have no idea how I lived without it. I started off with it at one time and it was stolen away, I got it back in pieces and now I am putting it back together.
I invite you to learn more about my soul-searching and what I discovered along the way. If you are intrigued to know more…. come again. This is just a glimpse of my story, the preface. If you want to join me in my reflection, or just feast your eyes on the show… I will see you tomorrow… same time… same channel.
Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton
My journey is one that can only start here. It will take me deeper within to find the one that loves me. I will trek to where he resides in the depths of the valleys that rest between the mountainous thoughts that span my mind, in the rivers of words spoken that stream into the sea of my heart and through the desert to the well inherent to my soul.
I plan to travel lightly and have packed my snacks wisely in hopes to have the energy and insight to continue to fill the pages of my every turn, trial and triumph along my path documented here with content that is nutrient rich. I hope it proves valuable to promote more than just the growth of my relationship with the love of my life… but yours as well.