Fruit of My First Love…Nothing but Nuts!

“In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry”

Ephesians 4:26

Early to bed… early to rise to the occasion

I know we just met but are you as familiar with the term “You made your bed, now lie in it”, as I am? If you are, I am sure you wish you weren’t because hurt and regret is something we can all live without. However, it seems to be inevitable. I mean we all make mistakes, RIGHT?

I have spent many a night lying awake in my bed, tossing and turning over a disagreement and literally going nuts trying to convince myself how to make it right when I didn’t know where I went wrong. My life lessons learned to date have proved to me, that in order to get things right, someone has to be wrong. Being able to admit you are wrong can benefit you, your relationships and your overall health. How do you keep from losing sleep over it? Learn how to come to terms with being wrong not wronged.

Let me explain, (cough-cough) as I clear my throat and cluttered bedside table. If I may be frank, I know I am not alone when I say I have made some unhealthy choices as I indulged in the past a la carte menu life offered me. Without getting into all of my sorted past, let’s just say I’ve had a skeleton or five in my closet at one time or another. I am not saying I stake claim to accept the blame for every dry bone in there, but they didn’t get in there because I spoke life whenever I had a bone to pick with someone. I have certainly been guilty of using words, in anger, to cut myself right out of a relationship or two.

“The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18:21

Need damage control? 

Try to prevent it and take time out to think before you speak. There is more stress and anxiety you add to your life through angst and strife. My mother used to always say “If you don’t have anything good to say, then don’t say anything at all!” She knew before I even turned away with muttered words under my breath, that the words residing on the tip of my tongue would hurt me more than anyone else, in the end.

That being said…when we find ourselves in the middle of a mess, we just need to clean up! And NO… For all of you that have one foot out the door with the other still in your mouth… that does not mean sweep everything under the rug or stack your baggage neatly in the spare closet. For most, that will just leave it for later causing an eventual mountain out of what was once a molehill.

I understand how you feel. Dealing with hurt, anger and conflict is not easy. If it were, there would be none.  At the end of the day, if you want to be able to lay things to rest, sans lulling yourself to sleep to the tune of tears on my pillow…here are a few things that may help you to continue to rest easy when you feel done wrong.

• If you don’t like the way things sit, change where you’re sitting:
  • Simply put…. Change your scenery, change your view. Walk a mile or two in their shoes, so to speak. You may see things differently.

• Know what you’re fighting for and pick your battles wisely:
  • You don’t have to see eye to eye to still enjoy the show. Sometimes our battle is within… we just want it our way. However, pushing our own point of view is often not worth the fight. “Those convinced against their will are of the same opinion still.” Dale Carnegie

• Agree to disagree and accept defeat:
  • Recognize that the something wrong that you feel could be YOU. Eating humble pie is rarely the first choice, so many of us just walk away… with an “enough-said” attitude, but the fact that you disagree is still eating you . Agreeing to disagree allows you to appreciate the difference you share without depreciating the value of your relationship. Just make sure not to walk away bitter. Life’s not fair! Sometimes we say we accept defeat but resentment sets in and bitterness is definitely a tough pill to swallow. Speaking from experience (cough-cough).

Last but definitely not least…

• Feed on what’s good:
  • Might sound nuts… but take a moment to reflect on what’s good. Honesty is the best policy for every relationship. Being able to say… “Now I know how you feel” doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It depends on what you decide to do with what you now know. Create the next positive feeling, rather than react to the last negative one.

These are the first fruits of my labors in love. I hope it fed someone at the table.